Same old, same old...

Sun on my altar

Days pass one after the other. Sleeping late, very late, or rather early morning. Most often five in the morning I fall asleep as fatigue takes me over. 

Today I had a most sad report from a friend, it has marked my day, I love him dearly. In fact when I think about others, when I think about Love or Life or Humans I just Love. I can find no rational reason for my feelings.

It is hard to be Nils Eldor, a person who can not find it in him to hate anyone. I will not brag, and it is not bragging, I just sometimes think that if anyone could see inside my being, inside my mind, inside my head and the marvel of warmth there is, the kindness, the silence, the intelligence. And yes, that is so for everyone is it not? :D 

Such a clarity that nothing can be hidden or stowed away for long. My Lama say I Live in a constant experience of non-duality and that I know everything. Well that is not so at all, yes the non-duality is there but I do not know everything, I just have few barriers to the world, there is an openness there, a vast landscape, open skies, open plains, a view, so much space. And yes, that is so for everyone is it not? :D 

Calm deep breaths, heart that beats, perfect eyesight and feeling every little inch of my body. Feeling my teeth fastened to my skull, the fingernails to my fingers, feeling everything. And yes, that is so for everyone is it not? :D 

Same old, same old... I sit here in my little room, a small toilet, a small kitchenette, a fridge, a window with a small balcony, in a large house in a small park. A park that have every tree growing in the northern temperate hemisphere. And I wait, wait for the time when I am free to go, to roam the world. Often I wonder how much more time we have before the greed of the industrial capitalist and the stupidity of people have destroyed this world. 

The bearded man

I am getting bored, or am I? Not sure I can get bored. I have patience like an old stone under the trees in the forest. I can sit and just be for days, just watching time pass, morning, midday and the sun setting. I Love to see the light grow dim, dusk and the night arriving.

Soon my fast starts again. I am turning 60 this year, in August. As time passes and life is longer the only true thing I have found to do is to make things with my hands, to meet people, to Love people, to travel and take part in what others create. The meaning of Life is to be happy. To find that inner center of great Joy. The heart that the world revolves around.